Wednesday, October 26, 2011

School is going great and I am learning things about ...

...psychological disorders and I realized something most profound this week. It's not my fault. My family's behavior, they're "poor me I'm a victim attitude" is their chemical imbalance in their brain.

My brother suffered from ADHD as a child, and that is OFTEN diagnosed along ODD which is Oppositional Defiant Disorder, which progresses in the teen years into CD or Conduct Disorder. CD then progresses into ASPD also known as Anti-Social Personality Disorder. You can find all sorts of videos on YouTube on both ASPD and ODD. And people who suffer from this often blame others for their problems. "It's not my fault, it was my mom's fault I stole the car she made me mad..." this was said by a 7 year old whole his grandmothers car and wrecked it and five other cards along with it.

My brother at a young age would act out violently and blame others for his behavior. Even as an adult he's not to blame for his illness (he claims he's HIV Positive for the last 14 years but he supposedly was only diagnosed a couple years ago according to my sister, but she's a "recovering" addict and also doesn't believe her choices should have consequences and that she can't be held responsible for her actions) it's the fault of his boyfriend who "didn't" inform him he had the disease. I remember this man, his name was Matty. I also remember seeing the bruises on Matty's face after a terrible fight with my brother. Matty blamed himself and he worried about my brother because my brother REFUSED to protect himself when they had sex. Matty informed my brother that he was HIV positive and my brother acted like it was no big deal. My brother wouldn't let Matty wear protection either, and if he tried to fight my brother on the issue my brother would hit him. My brother must suffer from severe ASPD and the only way to help him is for him to be in prison, or so the research shows.

My sisters are the same way, always blaming others for their misfortune. One sister goes even further to exploit her friends and readers of her blog by telling them I'm the crazy one. Everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie and I'm a sociopath. I must be a very terrible one because I have a sense of morality that won't allow me to take advantage of people's good nature like they do. If I was a sociopath I would be able to manipulate what I wanted out of people without remorse or guilt, but I hate even asking for help. The only reason I do is for my kids.

I do have my own issues though. I'm not perfect nor am I claiming to be. I just realised that I may suffer from ADHD. I did an indepth research project on the subject and found that every symptom listed in DSM-IV (save for one) I could mark and emphatic yes on.

Anyhow I have come to the conclusion that I have done right by myself by cutting my sisters and brother out of my life. Thanks for listening.