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Showing posts from 2011

School is going great and I am learning things about ...

...psychological disorders and I realized something most profound this week. It's not my fault. My family's behavior, they're "poor me I'm a victim attitude" is their chemical imbalance in their brain. My brother suffered from ADHD as a child, and that is OFTEN diagnosed along ODD which is Oppositional Defiant Disorder, which progresses in the teen years into CD or Conduct Disorder. CD then progresses into ASPD also known as Anti-Social Personality Disorder. You can find all sorts of videos on YouTube on both ASPD and ODD. And people who suffer from this often blame others for their problems. "It's not my fault, it was my mom's fault I stole the car she made me mad..." this was said by a 7 year old whole his grandmothers car and wrecked it and five other cards along with it. My brother at a young age would act out violently and blame others for his behavior. Even as an adult he's not to blame for his illness (he claims he's HIV Positi

Finally!

My daughter finally had her tonsils taken out. # years of fighting with dr's telling them there was something wrong with her tonsils because they were swollen and them telling me I'm WRONG that her tonsils were normal. The last time she was sick I took her to see her doctor and told him she was constantly sick. He asked one question, "does she snore?" Like a mack truck rumblin down the street with a flat tire. He said her adenoids and tonsils needed to come out. Referred her to a ENT specialist he took one look at her tonsils and said they need to come out. Made an appointment for her. She had it yesterday. She came through like a champ. The doctor came out after he was done (20 minutes later) and said her tonsils and adenoids were HUGE!!! Hmmmm Seems like once again I was right. I've come to the conclusion the Doctors don't really care about their patients unless they have lots of cash or private insurance. I have medic-aid for my kids and no one wanted to he

School

I have finished the spring quarter with a B in Biology and a C in Math. I took an Incomplete in English to finish two essays. I should get an A once those are done. I had great teachers this quarter and am hoping for the same this quarter. I had to drop a class as I need the money to fix my car and pay rent. :( oh well I only dropped a Math class and I am still on track for the end of next summer. That's the important part there. I will by this summer have completed my req's for a world language with ASL 121 and 122 and have Psych 100 under my belt along with 30 credits. I am beyond excited. Mahalo Mica

My long term goals

I am doing well. Actually better than that, I am very blessed. I have family who loves me (Carol, David, Katrina, Vincent, Taryn, and Scott) friends who give moral support and encouragement from miles and miles away (the Yaya's and all my FB buddies) and I am in school working on my degree. I had a negative nelly tell me I couldn't overload my credits for the summer... guess what? I got my extra class. Now they're saying that I won't pass it because the teacher is a jack who just gives you the work and doesn't help you with it... guess what, I will not only pass the class, I'll ace it, and do you know why? Because I hate it when people tell me I can't. My family always told me I can't do this or I can't do that, and for years I listened, I believed that when they said I wasn't smart enough, or pretty enough, or good enough. Well I don't listen any more. I believe in myself and my abilities. I am smart enough, I am good enough, and dammit I am

Dream board

My sister Carol asked me what is on my dream board today. Today it is to complete my pre-reqs so that I will get accepted into the Nursing program at my school. I also dream of one day being able to speak four other languages (at least) two of which I will take classes for in the next year, Spanish and ASL (American Sign Language).

For all too long I have made this blog about me

but so what, it's my blog. Now you know all about me and my life growing up... well not all, but certainly a lot more than anyone else in this crazy world will tell ya. A little more about me. I am 30 goin on 31. I've spent much of my life being told I was no good and never would be by my family. what am I doing today? I'm at school, an actual accredited college (community college is still college) working on my pre-requisites to get into the ADN to BSN transfer program to UW. For those that don't know what that means and ADN is an Associates Degree in Nursing and a BSN is a Bachelors of Science Nursing degree. I don't associate with my biological family anymore because they just can't face the truth of their crimes and like to tell the world they are actually the victims and I'm an insane Sociopath. But is anyone ever truly sane? My sweet niece asked me that the other day, and you know she is absolutely right. So as of Now I have decided to go my own way. I

For those (my idiot sister) who tell the world I am lying

No one is listening to a self-preserving addict. You ex-boyfriend Ronnie tried to molest me while you were drinking and getting high, so you made me play a drinking game with beer called "one red-hen" until I was drunk enough to look like I didn't know what I was talking about. You didn't want to get in trouble with James, our older brother who had legal custody of me at the time. Larry Molested me when I was 11, dad and Candida caught him and I got in trouble for it, which is why when he raped me at 13 I never told anyone, because I thought it was my fault he did it. As for being a victim of rape, if you were a victim of it, I am sorry to hear that. It wasn't your fault. You're right crack whore was the wrong word, meth-head, pot smoker, coke-snorter are much more appropriate as I watched you with my own damn eyes do all of that with your ex- and your old high school buddy Bambi. If you don't think sleeping around with every guy in a two-block radius whil

Life is funny

So the world was supposed to end yesterday at 6pm... seeing as we are all still here today, I don't think that horrible prediction came true. the guy who made this prediction, made it years before too. And when they day came and went last time, he said he got his math wrong. I feel sorry for the idiots who bought into his crap and gave him all their worldly goods (especially money) because he did this just to make money. he is not a "prophet" and those that believe in him as one should get their money taken from them. Side note... My "sister" stopped following my blog and removed me as one of her followers, she probably also blocked me from being able to see any posts as well cause whatever she is spewing is crap anyways. For someone supposedly trying to get clean she sure does act like an addict who doesn't want to hear the truth about herself or her family because that would make her a bad person... well she is a bad person, and a bad mother, I know how s

"family" that is all

I was responding to a status update my niece posted on her facebook page about wrapping herself in a positive bubble to achieve her dreams. My idiot sister, her mom, posted on there how I was screwed up and everyone says I need mental help including the woman who "tried" to treat me as her daughter. This is the same woman who is mentally unbalanced (as are most in my family) and yea I might need therapy to get through the crap my family did to me my whole life, but I am in no way as mentally fucked up as my siblings are. I thank God everyday for the fact that I am not an idiot, or a crack whore, or bi-polar, and anything else that is wrong with my siblings. I only hope that my niece's and nephews find a way out of there without being screwed up by their parents. I feel sorry for my niece's and nephew's who are still stuck with crazy, psychotic people for parents and If I could do it, I'd have them taken from their parents and placed in a home like my older nie

Something to cry about... Mother's Day

Mother's Day is just a few short days away, and while I am a mother, I have no real mother myself. The woman who gave birth to me 31 years ago come June 25th, died three years ago from Cancer. The woman I called "Mom" until I looked at our relationship 6 months ago, has no contact with me. I have no mother. But I grew up without one despite having two. My birth mother was never a true mother to me. I was the unwanted product of a rape. The woman I called mom, well she really only did it out of a sense of duty to my birth mother. I was reading my brother's blog and he talks about the sadness of the day my birth mother died. Both he and my sisters were there. Supposedly when she died three years ago, they all became orphans? I didn't know that even if you're an adult you could become an orphan. I'm 31 in June and I am the baby of the family. I grew up as an O.W.P. (Orphan with Parents) because neither of my parents were really there for me. I always defended

Family Ties are much too constricting

A couple weeks ago, my biological sister wrote about finding a hickie on her 16 year old's neck. She was panicking about what she should do. should she have "the talk" with her, should she get her started on birth control, or should she ignore it. I was completely honest in my opinion and told her is she hadn't had the talk with her yet, she'd better get it done, and that yes she should have her on birth control, especially since she posts some curious thoughts on her facebook page. Well, apparently she didn't like the blunt honesty I gave her, or she doesn't care enough about her daughter to protect her (which she should have been doing all along anyways) either way, she never posted the comment, she removed me from her facebook page, had her daughter un-friend me, and then proceeded to write a snide comment about me on her next blog. The following is a direct quote: "this is my place a place where i feel safe and yet there are those who care just e